A Soarer. An Achiever.

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Emotionally Unstable

Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 8:09 PM

Salaam to all :)

Before I start, i would like to share with you the picture of the book that i've been wanting to buy but i did'nt manage to find the picture of the book A Journey To Space. But I did get the picture of the book Reaching For The Stars.. :D

So, yeah. Life's currently unstable. Juggling school, debate, family, friends over here and there, emotions, feelings, UB, PMR (tahun depan tapi debaran sudah terasa..). Memang benar. Hidup bukan hidup kalau x faham erti susah. Hm, so, kire ni normal lah. Tapi, T'sedar dlm diri yg usia semakin meningkat, tanggungjawab semakin menimpa, telah masuk ke alam remaja yang penuh dengan cabaran.

T'dapt banyak perubahan dalam diriku. Dari segi perbuatan, penampilan, percakapan. Contohnya, I keep saying 'x bgs', 'sengal'. X bgs ckp sengal. Kire m'carut. + dosa je. P'buatan, Hm, Skrng dh pegang jawatan. Org kate sombong, x b'gaul, Sarcastic(this for sure). Hm, kalau sombong tu, entahlah. Agaknya terlalu caught up with meetings, keceriaan kelas, debate.. Busy sgt sampai lupe nak socialise.. Dh t'dpt tittle sombong.. Hehe :)

Hm, kenape kte rase sedeyh? Memang fitrah manusia kan abang? Adek? La tahzan. Tapi kekadang x blh kawal rase sedeyh.. Mane x. IDEIDPK. That's for sure. Kawan-kawan dah jauhkan diri. Tapi tu awal tahun punye cite. Skrng dh ok. Soal hati dan perasaan. X sangka L pon rase same. Rase kecewa. Tapi knp kte rase kecewa? Bile tanye blk kat diri, x tahu jwpn ape. Tapi yg tahu, kte rase sedeh dan kecewa. Mmng kte x layak. Tu, dh sedar. Mmng x impikan pon. Tapi rasenye layak kot posisi yg lagi satu tu. Tapi knp dy lbh layak daripadaku? Krn jawatan, keturunan, pilih kasih? Soal kesetiaan kawan. Memang sangka baik itu adalah serendah-rendah ukhuwwah. Tapi, kte pon susah nk sangka baik dngn awk. Knp cam tu? Mungkin niat xnk guriskan hati ini and u resorted to lying. But eventually i found out. How do you think I feel?? Dy pergi! Dy pergi sekali lagi. Mmng hidup x adil. Knp semua pandang dy dan dy baik. Dy yg pertama, kte x tahu ape masalah kte ngn awk. Sebab cemburu. U're innocent. U know nothing. So, why am i jealous of u? Maybe b'cos of the people ard u.. Dy yang ke-dua. Mmng dr awal kte ade masalah ngn awk. Masalah kesetiaan, kejujuran. U lied to me. Not just once! U used me! Not just once. I know I'm not good and u're better and does that make me a loser to you. Someone who could be pushed ard, bossed. Whatever, get on with ur life but until when do I have to be a hypocrite or is it u who's the hypocrite all the time?? Only god knows.

Ever since I entered a new world. It made me see the world in a new perspective. Now I see how fake the people on Earth are. Hypocrites I might say. I'm dissapointed with NW. It's far worse than I imagine. What do I want to achieve in NW in the first place? Success? Then why bother with other things in NW? Because I care! It makes me sad watching bad things happen in front of ur eyes. It's worse when you cannot do anything about it. I'm dissapointed with NW. NW is good. Things that fills it are'nt. Unloyal, liars, hypocrites. That night+day, I was really dissapointed+sad, I could'nt digest athing in my brain. Look how it affected me. Mostly emotionally. But then again, I ask myself? Why sososo sad? Why so dissapointed? Where does my sadness and dissapointment brings me? Nowhere. Alhamdulillah I realised that this is getting me to nowhere and snapped back to reality. Now I'm happy with the situation. I get more time and maybe, there's a second chance. But till today, I still can't understand why I was feeling sudden+extreme sadness+disspointment. May Allah help me.

Other than New World and People, Our batch is facing major problem though some donot realise it. Since it is too personal to share it here, I will not disclose it. But whatever it is, I advice all my fellow friends to watch what they do, what they say. Think twice before u want to sin Think twice before u want to break the rule of Islam. Save urselves from being involved in bad stuff such as coupling, ikhtilat, cussing. These 3 major stuffs must u remember. Keep ur heart safe. Since this year we're not segregated anymore, I've had more problems involing boys, emotions. Well, if u know how to analyse these situations based on my current and previous posts, u might understand and know the reason for the problem. Root, cause of the problem. The effect of the problem. Wow. I'm being so problematic this year. Sajiah, just remember, Allah is with you, Ghaddul Basar, jaga hati, jaga iman. Jaga kata-kata. Jaga mata! Harus dijaga semuanya. Tapi yang amat penting sekali ialah hatimu. Semoga aku m'dapat bimbingan dari-Nya. Ameen.

I better call it a day since I've promised to call Hidayati at 9. And I still have'nt eat dinner. So, gotta rush! Allthebestinlife. Ingat, BK Peter Parker punye Uncle: 'With great power comes great responsibility'. Jangan lupe jaga hati daripada dikotori! Hope to last long in New World.. :D

From the bottom of my heart,
Sajiahhhhhhhhhh :D [MT10!]

P/S: Siape x tahu MT10! tu ape??