A Soarer. An Achiever.

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Thursday, February 3, 2011 @ 5:57 PM

Salam.

I can't just complain and keep saying how the start of 2011 is already so bad and stressing for me when in fact, there are happy times. (Which I see is categorized in the minority area). So, I will first write about the bad ones.

How this year, I am an even more dreadful sinner than how I was last year. But sometimes, I don't feel tht it's wrong and I can't say that it's right either. And there's no such thing tht's in the middle. All I can do is run to Syimmy and say the same thing every nite and run away as soon as she asks why. How can I tell her? It's shameful.

Well, other than tht, abt conflicts. There's tons of conflicts eg with jrs, sens but I'll just state one: friends. HER term was right. But how can I wrong her right and prove tht it's not true. Not anymore. Because I can't keep lying to myself. It's happening. Again and again. I was so glad I was out of tht triangle-pact conflict but now I guess I stumbled upon another. Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Is it ? Maybe I did something wrong on my side and maybe you did too. So why can't we work this out? Why do we keep pushing the blame to one another? I don't know. And it breaks my heart more than anything because it's happening between US. Well, I'll try my best.

And this guy just had to add up to my problems. I know you're just testing me, but i guess now isn't the right time and i think you should find some other girls. I don't appreciate your attention. I feel tht somehow, you're taking away my dignity by just doing tht. So stop.

Hm, what else to rant about?

Oh yeah, db8. I can't rant much here because I feel tht it's upappropriate. But I'll just state tht my doubts are still there. This is the main cause of my mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. I'm not supposed to be complaining, whining, but I know I can and will and have and must go through it all the same. It seems like now, it's the cause of everything. But I hope, insyallah, with my new-found spirit and patience, I'll get a fruitful ending. Ameen.

There's a lot more but I guess it sounds so loser and whiny typing it all here so I guess the only way is to bear with it because the other alternative is updating my diary but it seems like the average number of pages I could write before my hand gets tired is 3. Sad i know when in fact my mind's pouring out everything.

I'm so currently addicted to Bila Cinta-GIO. And I wonder why. I don't care if you want to pandang slack at me because it's lagha or whatever. My life. You can't just judge like tht.

So, I felt like I was tearing to pieces and tht's why I really badly need this CNY hol. To get away from things. Not exactly running away from problems. Just get rested for a while.

But I've got many things planned out and so little time.

I got around to altering my new second-hand clothes but the sewing was left unfinished due to, er, I broke the needle. Heee. I hate leaving things unfinished.

So, to the happy parts.

Handle With Care was a nice read but the ending was disappointing.

Finally terbuka hati to play netball and it was tres fun apart from the aches in anywhere and everywhere. I was a GD but I preferred WA I guess. But whatever it is, I do my best. And I enjoyed myself and Alhamdulillah, we got 3rd. Rather than nothing I might state.

What else?

Maybe there's more but clouded by thoughts of the unhappy memoirs or maybe there just isn't anymore. Or I just can't think of what else to state because somebody's pestering me to get off the comp. But whatever it is, I need to take in and reflect what I had said/given to you.

"Laa yukallifullahu nafsan illaa wus'ahaa".

I must remember tht. And I shall await the day when i will stop complaining about life. Is it even possible ?

Insyallah, I'll try my best. In whatever I do. Ameen.

"Anger begin with madness and ends with REGRET . -Ali bin Abu Talib RA-"

"If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it" ♥♥

frm;
shh.